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Submitted on
September 27, 2013
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129
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It’s Friday
and girls leave their homes like boys go to war.
Stockings laced, lush lips: red
Sparking youth,
tip-toeing on the corpse of their prime.
Their parents never get an army letter  
they’re simply left with a skeletal excuse    
for a daughter  
who died last Friday
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:iconflopsydabunny:
Flopsydabunny Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I really want to like it because some of it is awesome, but it has some real issues with the flow and it feels all broken and jagged when I try to read it. I do like your concept and some of the lines though. 
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:iconthecreativeusername:
TheCreativeUserName Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
AHAHAHAHAHA *points and laughs* Just scrolling through my gallery and I find it ironic that the one you didn't like is the one that got published :p 
PPppppfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
Take that flow issues 
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:iconthecreativeusername:
TheCreativeUserName Featured By Owner Oct 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thanks
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:icongu-kachu:
Gu-kachu Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Student General Artist
I want to make this a song so badlyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
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:iconthecreativeusername:
TheCreativeUserName Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thanks I think :p, and thanks for the faaaavvveee 
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:iconbdancinjones:
BDancinJones Featured By Owner Sep 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Well that went dark quickly... It started with such a happy, exciting image that turned into something so... scarring.  I think that does a great job, however, of capturing the stark contrast between the typical sensationalized view of friday-night college parties and the like, and the harsh realities that all to often accompany them.  Very well done!
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:iconthecreativeusername:
TheCreativeUserName Featured By Owner Sep 28, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much for the comment! 
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